Losing myself, finding myself: How recovery is harder with COPD

There are times in life when illness doesn’t just slow you down— it rearranges you. I didn’t see it happening at first. I thought I was simply tired or behind, in need of a weekend to catch up. But slowly, almost quietly, I began to lose the version of myself I recognized. I couldn’t quite shake the sick feeling that shingles and respiratory infections had left me with.

It showed up in the mornings. I used to get up with purpose, feet on the floor, before the day had a chance to get away from me. But somewhere along the journey to get well, getting out of bed became a negotiation. My house — usually “ridded up” in that old Appalachian way — slipped into a soft, guilty clutter. I kept telling myself I’d get back to it tomorrow. But tomorrow kept moving, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) kept gaining ground.

I tried to fix it with structure. I set alarms. I made lists. I built a schedule like scaffolding around a building that needed shoring up. But nothing held. Nights stretched long and restless, and days blurred into a fog of wanting to sleep but never feeling rested. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t a lack of discipline. It was the complicated reality of trying to recover while living with a chronic illness — in my case, COPD.

People often think COPD is only about the lungs. But it’s about energy, too. It’s about the body working harder for every breath, leaving less fuel for the ordinary tasks that once felt effortless. When your breath becomes the metronome of your day, everything else has to fall in line behind it.

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Finding my way back

For a long time, I didn’t realize I had drifted away from myself. I thought I was just trying to get well. But one morning, in the middle of my makeup session, I felt a quiet truth settle over me: I didn’t recognize the woman I had become. Not because she was weak or failing — but because she was missing. Somewhere along the way, in the effort to heal, I had misplaced myself.

I realized that I still liked wearing jewelry and funky hair accessories. So what if I didn’t plan on going anywhere? I should do the things I love just for me and my self-esteem.

Finding myself again didn’t happen in a single sweep. It came in small, almost tender steps: opening the curtains in the morning, washing the dishes in the sink, taking a slow walk from one room to another. It came from acknowledging that recovery with COPD isn’t a straight line. It’s a series of returns — quiet, steady, and deeply human.

And slowly, I began to reclaim the parts of me that illness had carried off. Not to rebuild the old life exactly as it was, but to shape a new one that honors both my breath and my worth. Recovery is harder with a chronic illness. It demands patience, honesty, and a kind of self-compassion that doesn’t always come naturally. But it is possible.

Sometimes the first step is simply noticing that you’ve gone missing — and deciding you’re worth finding again.

Note: COPD News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of COPD News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues about chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.