Fear of failure is the real enemy in life with COPD
Physical limitations may slow me down, but they won't stop me
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) can rob us of certain physical abilities, possibly preventing us from doing some of our favorite activities. But for many of us, the disease’s mental effects are even worse. Prior to my diagnosis, I was up for trying anything, but along with COPD came a constant fear of failure.
There is a library inside me. It is not made of stone or glass, but of memory, curiosity, and the quiet hunger to keep learning. Before COPD, I wandered its halls freely. I climbed ladders to reach innovative ideas. I dusted off forgotten dreams. I even planted stories in the garden outside its windows. These stories bloomed like heirloom roses.
I never questioned whether a particular flower would do well in my soil; I just planted it and watched what happened. I found immense pleasure in seeing the results of my efforts and endeavors, even if the flowers in my mind’s garden did not thrive.
Can I still do this?
Then, along came COPD. It didn’t close the library, but it did dim the lights and make the stairs harder to climb. It turned tasks like cleaning the house, weeding the flower beds, and planting fresh flowers into epic journeys. Worst of all, it whispered, “You can’t do this anymore.”
After trying for months to get help with my housework, I decided that God was trying to tell me, “Yes, you can still do this.”
I stood in the doorway of my library, holding a broom in one hand and doubt in the other. I looked at the flower beds, overgrown and gasping for attention, and wondered if I had the strength to tend to them. Every physical task carried with it the question, “Can I still do this, and is it worth the breath?”
I have learned that every act of care — whether wiping down a shelf, pulling a weed, or writing a column — is a way of saying yes. Yes, the library still matters. Yes, the stories are still alive. Yes, I am still the keeper of this place.
I thought that the pain in my hips was making me afraid to clean on Saturday mornings, as I’d always done. But since physical therapy has taken away the pain, I had no reason not to complete the chores. I realized that fear of failure is the reason dust has collected, weeds have grown, and new flowers haven’t been planted.
Today, I believe COPD may slow me down, but it won’t stop me. I clean in chapters now. I weed in verses. I rest between paragraphs. And when I return to my desk, breathless but proud, I know I have added something to the archive: a record of persistence.
So, if you are standing in your own dimmed library, wondering if you should dust or dig or dream, the answer is yes — even if you must sit down halfway through, even if the weeds grow back, even if the broom feels heavier than it used to.
Because the library is still yours, and every breath you spend tending to it is a story worth telling.
Note: COPD News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of COPD News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
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Debbie Bartlett
Such a wonderfully written article, Caroline! This article means alot to me, as I am sure it will mean alot to so many others. Your positive outlook is encouraging! Just say YES! The more you do, the more you CAN do!
Thank you, Caroline!
Cathy Jarrell
Dear Caroline, You hit the nail on the head with that article. It's exactly how I feel. I'm like you though still trying! I enjoy your articles immensely. Cathy Jarrell
Thomas Krueger
Thank you Caroline.
COPD is like doing things step by step. Your stories have helped me in many ways.
Love Tom.
Monroe (Tim) Williams
Again your inspiration sounds so much like what i have been feeling the last few years. I have said to my adult children and friends many times that, "I am not as fast, or efficient as I was before COPD or hitting my 80s, but I can still accomplish
most of what I used to do, it will just take me more time. I have learned to pace myself, and not expect to accomplish as much (around the house) as I did in my younger years.) For instance, I hire out the lawn to be mowed, because my foot neuropathy, and age are responsible for being a "Fall risk". That is O.K. as there are other things that I can accomplish, just a little slower; No ladders, so I hire the teen aged grandsons. Otherwise I can do more than I thought, just by taking it in smaller bites, and plenty of breaks to "re-charge. Thanks again Caroline. Tim W.
David A Sylvester
This is a beautiful article Caroline!!!!! You are an inspiration!! As someone we know says--"Keep On". ....I'm gonna go get my broom!!😀..Thanks!!
Pamela Welch
This is a beautifully written article and very inspirational. Thank you Caroline for all you do to help those of us living with COPD.
Dottie Herman
Thank you. I needed to hear your words
Joanne Carey
Could not agree more !
Everyone seems to think getting the diagnosis stops your abilities to even try, initially. The exact opposite is true. You may now have a label and the start of some answers to what’s been bugging you, but you still have the exact same abilities you walked into the doctors office with. You may be plagued by breathlessness and exhaustion, which started you on the journey to find answers, but if you’re willing to learn to handle those same labels to help you do things more easily, nothing has changed just because you have a label.
judith snell
I fight fear and anxiety daily. 85 years old. Diagnosed 2007.
Ron Faich
You are an inspiration, Caroline. Thank you.
Thomas Monks
Fear is always a limitor or brake but really is if living with severe emphsyma
Nice reminder and good encouragement
Renee
Hi, friend, Caroline, I read your column as a caregiver for my hubby who has COPD and I want you to know I appreciate the column very much. I feel supported by your words and often share some of your tips with him, too. Thanks for being so candid and open to sharing your journey. Be well and keep planting those flowers, the weeds never go away! Hugs, Renée
Marieta Diane Golding
This is a brilliant piece that is so relatable & love the analogy of a writer & as an avid explorer of philosophy, self healing, metaphysics, quantum physics, nature & so much more that interests me but have found my innate curiousity waning as COPD progresses.
Thanks for the reminder of increments & not being overwhelmed & asking yourself 'what the worst that can happen if this is not done right away' & leaving it until a better breathing day.
Facing the fear is the biggest hurdle so positive self talk like Thomas the Tank engine....i think i can i think i can i know i can i know i can....i knew i could!
Have developed arthritis in left foot making walking difficult but doable until the purchase of orthopaedic medical grade ugly shoes that cost hundreds to alleviate pain in foot. A new challenge presenting itself & something to self heal & gather knowledge about.
Blessings & Bouquets to all.
Tonia Carmine Chiomenti
Thank you for sharing. I feel the same. I needed to know I'm not alone.
All the best,
Tonia